Local SEO | Expert Focus | By Jenny Bernarde
It’s a dark and stormy night, there’s a chill down your spine, and a sense of foreboding lingers in the air. Welcome to the SEO House of Horrors, where the spookiest tales of local SEO come to life. In honor of Friday the 13th, we’re diving into the crypt to uncover the scariest, most hair-raising stories from the world of digital marketing. Gather ‘round, brave souls—if you dare!
Greg "Ghostly" Gifford: The Vanishing Act
Greg Gifford, Chief Operating Officer at SearchLab Digital, shares a tale that could give even the most seasoned SEOs nightmares. Imagine this: You’ve optimized everything, your rankings are climbing, and then—poof—your client’s business vanishes from the local pack overnight. No warning, no explanation. Just gone. It’s enough to make you question every keyword you’ve ever researched.
Claire "The Crypt Keeper" Carlile: Haunted by GBP Q&As
Claire Carlile, Local SEO Expert at BrightLocal, encountered a truly terrifying sight: a Google Business Profile (GBP) Q&A section where horror stories took center stage. A local car dealership found itself haunted by poor customer service complaints, with each unanswered question like a ghost that just won’t rest. “Surely answering the phone isn’t as scary as they think?” Claire muses, but in the world of local SEO, even the simplest tasks can turn into ghastly ordeals.
Melissa "Poltergeist" Popp: The Contract from Hell
Melissa Popp, Content Strategy Director at RicketyRoo, recounts the story of a client who was trapped in a contract from hell. The villain? An agency that claimed copyright ownership over every piece of content on the client’s website. “It was like an eerie ghost story where the antagonist traps the innocent in a haunted mansion,” Melissa says. As the clock ticked ominously, RicketyRoo had to rebuild the site before the client’s digital presence was lost forever.
Elizabeth "Ghoul" Rule: The Office Move That Gave Us Chills
SEO Analyst Elizabeth Rule from Sterling Sky tells a story that could make any SEO pro break into a cold sweat. A client decided to move their office without consulting their SEO team—straight into a building filled with their toughest competitors. “The local filter was going to be working OVERTIME on their listing, and their rankings were going to take a hit,” Elizabeth warns. Moral of the story? Major business decisions should never be made without your SEO team on speed dial.
Blake "Dracula" Denman: A Threatening Tale
Blake Denman, Founder at RicketyRoo, shares a shocking story of a client who took things a step too far. After blaming Blake for supposedly clicking on his ads, the client sent someone to Blake’s apartment to threaten him. Fortunately, the situation was resolved—Blake fixed the ad settings, and the client sent him a Vitamix as a bizarre peace offering. But the memory of that close call still sends shivers down his spine.
Amy "Tomb" Toman: The Keyword Crammer
Amy Toman, SEO Analyst at Digital Law Marketing, encountered a relic from the past: a website with 200+ keywords crammed in a tiny font at the bottom of every page. “I thought that went out in 2010,” Amy jokes, but the horror was real. It’s a reminder that some SEO practices are better left buried.
Dana "Dastardly" DiTomaso: The Client Who Didn’t Want to Be Found
Dana DiTomaso, President & Partner at Kick Point, once had a client who wanted to boost organic traffic but refused to disclose what their company actually did. “They didn’t say what they do at their company on their website, in their marketing materials, literally anywhere at all,” Dana recalls. It’s a mystery that still haunts her to this day.
Ben "Boo" Fisher: The Sinister Signage
Ben Fisher, Founder and VP of Marketing at Steady Demand, shared a rotten example of a business that tried to cheat the system by creating fake signage to verify their GBP. The result? A suspension, of course. And if there’s one thing scarier than a Friday the 13th marathon, it’s getting your GBP suspended.
Celeste "Gory" Gonzalez: The Client with Unreasonable Demands
Celeste Gonzalez, SEO Strategist at RicketyRoo, dealt with a client who couldn’t understand why they weren’t receiving the same number of leads as the previous year—even though they had never done SEO before. “Their leads from the previous year came from paper flyers, Facebook groups, and NextDoor posts,” Celeste explains. When Google Ads leads didn’t match the client’s exacting standards, it was clear that no amount of optimization could satisfy them.
Krystal "Fang" Taing: The Voldemort Invasion
Krystal Taing, Solutions Engineer at Uberall, recalls a multi-location eyeglass retailer whose GBP was spammed with images of Lord Voldemort in glasses—50 locations, no less. “This was fun reporting and escalating to Google!” Krystal quips. It’s a dark reminder that in the world of local SEO, even the Dark Lord can’t be kept at bay.
As we close the book on these spooky stories, remember this: in the world of local SEO, the monsters are real. They might not hide under your bed, but they’re lurking in the depths of bad practices, outdated strategies, and unconsulted decisions.
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